Caroline Calloway

I Am Caroline Calloway

$45.00 ~~$65.00~~

This book is my official response to Natalie's essay.

Scammer was 67 vignettes of experimental, autobiographical prose —scrambled around in non-chronological order. However, I Am Caroline Calloway is a more traditional, linear memoir. Although I repeat some of the best lines from Scammer (and I can't emphasize that point enough!), the scenes in this new daybook correspond to The Cut article. Essentially, I'm letting someone else choose the plot this time. And before you ask I don't think it's healthy for me to harp on this forever. And I certainly don't think my life story is best told as some kind of argument of self-defense. But I need my side of the story out there. In print. In book-format. I want to create a piece of writing so that, in years to come whenever reporters or podcast hosts or even random strangers at cocktail parties ask me about Natalie, I point them towards I Am Caroline Calloway and say, "I've already answered those questions. Just read this book."

What a Luxury First Edition includes!

✍🏻 Hand-Signed

Each Luxury First Edition will come signed by me! It's not a print. It's not a stamp of my signature. I'm hand-signing each Luxury First Edition and BOY! WHAT A DUMB DECISION I MAED BY COMMITTING TO THIS PLAN! I don't have health insurance and I will absolutely be paying for carpal tunnel treatment out-of-pocket someday. My wrists are giving out, but nevertheless she persisted.

💯 Hand-Numbered

Every Luxury First Edition comes with a handwritten number indicating exactly where your book lies numerically in the printing! The sooner you order, the lower the number of your Luxury First Edition will be! (And therefore more valuable if someday your thot daughters or gay sons ever decide to sell I Am Caroline Calloway at auction...)

💌 Custom Stationary with a Thank You Note from Me & Matisse

"Thank you for being a goddamn patron of the arts!" is what all notes say. And Matisse and I really DO appreciate your patronage and patience and unusually high tolerance for chaos! It would have been so easy to send these books out without designing custom stationary. But how else would you know how grateful my cat and I are?

🧚🏻‍♂️ Custom Packaging with RE-USABLE STICKERS

While making I Am Caroline Calloway, I tried to think a lot about what every little moment of experiencing this book would be like for you. What font should I use to make the text look dignified and regal, yet legible and unpretentious? Should the cover be glossy or matte? Hardcover or floppy? How will its packaging make you feel when I Am Caroline Calloway finally arrives on your doorstep? How can I make the memory of receiving this mail from me as joyful as fucking possible?
Enter: Re-usable stickers. I want you to see this turquoise package and know immediately what's waiting for you inside. I want you to get excited before you even see the book! And thanks to the witchcraft and alchemy of my graphic designer, the incandescently talented Sam West, these stickers are officially re-usable! She did all the hard work of making sure that the plastics and adhesives we compatible and, blah blah blah voilà! Throw the packaging away if you don't feel like saving it, or peel the stickers off to save for future use.
Either way, it will make you smile the day this iconic delivery appears in your mail.

📍 Custom Bookmark

Don't like the sound of re-using stickers? Are you a lazy girl who took three years to publish a book after you first started accepting pre-orders? So saving used stickers just sounds like a hassle? I hear you. Life is hard enough without literally trying to preserve your trash. That's why my graphic designer, Sam, and I made a custom book mark that comes FREE with every Luxury First Edition!
The concept of this custom bookmark is to visually evoke the I Am Caroline Calloway packaging while providing you with a keepsake that takes zero effort to preserve.

🎀 Satin Ribbon

I'll be so fucking for real with you right now: Originally I wanted the bookmark to be satin and sewn into the book. But, as it turns out, doing that would have added about TWELVE DOLLARS the cost of each copy and I PROMISED myself that I'd be dammed if this product ever cost above $65... No matter how ✨luxury✨ I wanted this experience to be!
Luckily for us, it's the Season of The Girl and that means RIBBONS. And I hope to God you think of me when you wear your little bow. More importantly, I hope that when people say, "I like your hair ribbon!" You reply without missing a beat, "Thank you so much! Caroline Calloway actually gave it to me!"

📚 Custom Ex Libris Book-Plate

Have you ever seen those Ex Libris book-plates in old, rare, possibly haunted books of yore?
Ex Libris means "From the Library of" and I sincerely hope you feel like an aristocrat when you write your name down and claim this copy of I Am Caroline Calloway as your own.

🤌🏼 SURPRISE ITALIAN END PAPERS

I'm such a little slut for end papers.
And nothing says "old, rare, possibly haunted books of yore" like imported, hand-glued, Italian end papers!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!