Caroline Calloway

I Am Caroline Calloway (Luxury First Edition Pre-Order ♥)

$65.00

This book is my official response to Natalie's essay and the second book in

The Instagram Trilogy

Instead of Scammer's 67 vignettes of experimental, autobiographical prose —scrambled around in non-chronological order —I Am Caroline Calloway is a more traditional, linear memoir. Although I repeat some of the best lines from Scammer (and I can't emphasize that point enough!), the scenes in this daybook let Natalie choose the plot.

In Scammer, I wrote about the moments that were most important to me. In I Am Caroline Calloway, it's her essay from my perspective. Yale plates, period stains, disasters in Amsterdam... I don't think it's healthy for me to harp on this forever. And I certainly don't think my life story is best told as some kind of riposte or self-defense. But I need my side of the story out there, in print, in book-format, forever. I want to make this, say my peace, and be done with this forever.

What a Luxury First Edition includes!

✍🏻 Hand signed

Every Luxury First Edition has been signed by me! It's not a print. It's not a stamp. I'm adding my signature to each Luxury First Edition of I Am Caroline Calloway by hand and boy! Am I fucking idiot for doing this without health insurance! I will absolutely be seeking out-of-pocket carpal tunnel syndrome treatment in 2024 and that's on me.

💯 Hand-numbered

Every Luxury First Edition comes with a handwritten number indicating exactly where your book lies numerically in the printing! The sooner you order, the lower the number of your Luxury First Edition will be! (And therefore more valuable if your thot daughters or gay sons ever decide to sell I Am Caroline Calloway at auction someday...)

💌 Custom Thank You Note

"Thank you for being a goddamn patron of the arts!" is what all notes say. And Matisse and I really DO appreciate your patronage and patience and high tolerance for chaos! It would have been so easy to send these books out without designing custom stationary. But how else would you know how grateful my cat and I are?

🧚🏻‍♂️ Custom Packaging & Re-usable Stickers

While making I Am Caroline Calloway, I tried to think a lot about what every little moment of experiencing this book would be like for you. What font should I use to make the text look dignified and regal, yet legible and unpretentious? Should the cover be glossy or matte? Hardcover or floppy? How will its packaging make you feel when I Am Caroline Calloway finally arrives on your doorstep? How can I make the memory of receiving this mail from me as joyful as fucking possible?
Enter: Re-usable stickers. I want you to see this turquoise package and know immediately what's waiting for you inside. I want you to get excited before you even see the book! And thanks to the witchcraft and alchemy of my graphic designer, the incandescently talented Sam West, these stickers are officially re-usable! She did all the hard work of making sure that the plastics and adhesives we compatible and, blah blah blah voilà! Throw the packaging away if you don't feel like saving it, or peel the stickers off to save for future use.
Either way, it will make you smile the day this iconic delivery appears in your mail.

📍 Custom Bookmark

Don't like the sound of re-using stickers? Are you a lazy girl who took three years to publish a book after you first started accepting pre-orders? So saving used stickers just sounds like a hassle? I hear you. Life is hard enough without literally trying to preserve your trash. That's why my graphic designer, Sam, and I made a custom book mark that comes FREE with every Luxury First Edition!
The concept of this custom bookmark is to visually evoke the I Am Caroline Calloway packaging while providing you with a keepsake that takes zero effort to preserve.

🎀 Satin Ribbon

I'll be so fucking for real with you right now: Originally I wanted the bookmark to be satin and sewn into the book. But, as it turns out, doing that would have added about TWELVE DOLLARS the cost of each copy and I PROMISED myself that I'd be dammed if this product ever cost above $65... No matter how ✨luxury✨ I wanted this experience to be!
Luckily for us, it's the season of the Hair Ribbon. And I hope to God you think of me when you wear it in your hair. More importantly, I hope that when people say, "I like your ribbon!" You reply without missing a beat, "Thank you! Caroline Calloway gave it to me!"
And I promise not to charge you an extra $100 for the privilege.

📚 Custom Ex Libris Book-Plate

Have you ever seen those Ex Libris book-plates in old, rare, possibly haunted books of yore?
Ex Libris means "From the Library of" and I sincerely hope you feel like an aristocrat when you write your name down and claim this copy of I Am Caroline Calloway as your own.

🤌🏼 SURPRISE ITALIAN END PAPER

I'm such a little slut for end papers.
And nothing says "old, rare, possibly haunted books of yore" like imported, hand-glued, Italian end papers!!!!

As of October 1st, 2023 WE ARE ALL CAUGHT UP ON ALL EXISTING PRE-ORDERS. If you haven't received your shipping info in an email from Shopify yet, and you ordered BEFORE August 31st 2023, please email caroline.calloway@icloud.com and we can sort you right out!

For orders places during the moths of September and October 2023, your books will ship during the first week of November.

And as of mid November, 2023, we hope to finally (FINALLY!) be on a shipping schedule where new orders take no more than two weeks to arrive from when you place your order on Carolinecalloway.com to when your iconic turquoise appears in your mail. Wish us luck! IT'S BEEN AN EPIC, THREE YEAR-LONG JOURNEY 😭